time

Time. You never have enough of it when you need it; you have too much when you don't. You can't save it for later - you have to spend it as it goes. The best moments are fleeting, but if you're lucky, you know when you're in them so you savour them as best you can.

I'm putting in time. Do the dishes. Vaccuum. Mow. Ok, morning over. What'll we do for the afternoon? It's not a matter of missing 'busy'. Nor is it a matter of being unable to relax. It's a matter of wanting to live each moment to the fullest and not being able to meet up with the people I could do that with. It's knowing that the amount of time I have available is running out and trying to balance the understanding that this is life for the next 10 days with the desire to do better - to leave on a high. It's not being unhappy with being alone. It's being tired of being alone. It's not being impatient to move on to what's next, nor is it a longing for what's been. It's too much empty time. It's too much time with nothing worthwhile or memorable to fill it.